“THAW – Freedom from Frozen Feelings” is a book about the emotional wounds of abandonment, shame, and contempt created by growing up in a less-than-nurturing family. If you experience abandonment issues, emotional flooding, toxic shame, or a pattern of dysfunctional relationships, or you help people who do, this book is a “must-have”.

Moderate-to-severe cases of abandonment come from situations in which the child does not fully or consistently get their emotional dependency needs met, such as when the child lives in a shame-based family system. In such families, the children get messages of disapproval through constant criticism rather than messages of approval and warmth. A shame-based family system is characterized by the parent’s use of shame to provide direction.

When parents do not meet the needs of their children, it is not usually because the parents don’t love them. I say ‘usually’ because there are cases that one cannot understand, accept, explain, or excuse for any reason. But most parents do the best they can given the internal and external resources they possess, to take care of their children. In fact, I cannot count the times I have heard parents say, “I try hard to make sure my kids have it better than I did.” This speaks very loudly to me. It says that these parents are familiar with unmet dependency needs. So, most often, it is not the parent’s lack of love or effort that is to blame. Wounded people, wound people!